This week has been tough for me. It’s arguably the most down I’ve been in a long time.
The cause of which is a crossroad, a metaphorical mindfuck.
This crossroad is worsened by my dog’s severe separation anxiety – I can’t leave the house for more than four hours without him freaking out.
Yesterday, I was trying to lose my mind and reach a flow state in an activity, so I practiced archery in my yard (My brother, Andy, bought me a bow and four arrows for Christmas, something I’d wanted since I was a child (I only have three arrows left)).
The very act of playing with something someone I love gave me, and clearly put a lot of thought into, gives me strength – It’s a little thing, but it’s a valuable thing.
I practice almost daily with the bow, shooting it between 20-35m at a cardboard box. I probably let hundreds of arrows fly a day.
There is no real reason to why I practice archery other than to do something with no reason.
Researchers say the flow state is a state of total absorption, where “self” vanishes.
It worked for a while, but at one point I stopped, I stood still and stared blankly, my mind drifting to the places I was trying to escape.
Every now and then it would help to think of friends and family I wanted to speak to, or those I haven’t caught up with in a while.
At that point I could smell it, a fire burning nearby. My senses awakened. It brought me to the here and now but it also had something within me working.
It’s smell conjured memories of cooking fires in Vanuatu – of people living simply and quite happily with the bare basics.
It was a simple backyard fire somewhere nearby. I could smell something cooking, meat of some kind. It was instantly comforting for some reason.
For some reason, these thoughts made me think of the time I have right now and how important it is.
Time – The valuable resource we waste more and more every second in this modern society.
The most valuable thing we trade in exchange for money – we all trade our lives for the “privilege” of working for someone else.
The time I have right now has enabled me to see the beauty in the world again.
The smile on someone’s face, the birds hunting for worms on the grass, their calls to one another, the wind in the trees and the smells in the air.
To me, that’s real life – being able to notice the tiny, fleeting bits of beauty in the world.
I truly don’t ever want to be that time poor ever again. I want to continue to notice the beauty in the world.
That smell, the creature comforts of a cooking fire, brought me to this moment – it inspired me to write these thoughts.
Beauty is part of happiness.
There is true beauty in a fleeting experience which leaves an impact, if only for a fleeting moment.
Like an arrow being loosed from a bow.